Causality
by GinnyW 31
Summary: Edward Cullen had found that life as a vampire was one tedious day after another ... until one tedious day never ended. Twilight-AU, Edward/Bella
1. Chapter 1

Yes, this was posted here once upon a time. Yes, I'm reposting it now because I thought that the timing was appropriate. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I tend to base my stories all or in part around dates (ie holidays, weddings, graduation, pregnancy calendars-I really like writing based off of pregnancy calendars-, & other various dates that you can circle on your calendar) and this short story was no exception. This story was originally written for last winter's Twilight Gift Exchange and was a gift for ReadingMama/VampireMama. Shug & I have not yet decided if we will run another exchange later this year, we will make a decision on that sometime later this month. I will repost the link to the gift exchange on my profile if anyone is interested or is looking for more information. I am posting this story in its entirety now, it is complete in four parts. Thank you.

**Disclaimer:** These are not my original characters and are the property of SMeyer, et al.

**Summary:** Edward Cullen had found that life as a vampire was one tedious day after another ... until one tedious day never ended. Twilight-AU, Edward/Bella

* * *

**Causality**

_Causality: __n. the principle of or relationship between cause and effect.—New American Heritage Dictionary 2006._

Part I

The red haze in my field of vision was slowly dissipating. The delectably sweet blood that was soothing and coating my forever burning throat was slowly working its way through my body, creating a warm sensation of relaxation and contentment, much like a post-coital glow. Not that I'd ever experienced post-coital anything before, but I knew from the thoughts of my family members that this sensation was vastly similar.

But just as the bloodlust cleared and rational thought began to eke its way back into my mind, the guilt slithered in and grabbed hold. I looked down at the lifeless body strewn across my lap as I kneeled on the kitchen floor. She was—had been—a very plain girl. Brown hair, brown eyes, small build… nothing exciting, nothing special, nothing to write home about. But what had made her stand out to me from all of the others had been the siren call of her blood. Then as if that hadn't been enough, I couldn't _hear_ her. That was what had ultimately led to her demise.

Isabella Swan was a nobody whose only claim to fame in this tiny little town was the fact that she'd just moved home to live with her father. She was nothing more than a shiny new toy for the gossip mongers of Forks to sink their sharp, silver tongues into. This heinous act on my part would give them plenty to talk about over the next weeks.

Thinking about the family that would be left behind because I couldn't control my thirst, I winced.

After seventy years of sobriety, I'd fallen off the proverbial wagon in the worst possible way. Rationality and critical thinking were definitely coming back to me as I took in the macabre scene in front of me. Her shirt had been ripped in my frenzy and her neck snapped. The large bite out of the side of her neck revealed muscle and sinew, but not an ounce of blood was left in her body, just as there wasn't a single drop on the floor. In hindsight, it likely would've been best to have left some smatterings of blood on her clothing; however I couldn't bear the thought of having allowed any of it to have been wasted in such a way. We'd have to come up with some other way for this to look like an animal mauling.

Quickly glancing around the rest of the room, I was rather proud of the fact that there was very little evidence to clean up. I'd been in such a consuming haze that really I could've taken out over half of the house and not even noticed, but there was nothing out of the ordinary here, other than the tipped over chair, the dropped water glass, and, of course, the dead girl in my lap.

Pulling out my phone, I felt the telltale vibrations of an incoming call before I could even flip it open to dial.

"Alice, if you saw, why didn't you stop me?" I asked by way of greeting.

"I didn't see. I'm so sorry, I didn't see. Not until just a moment ago when I saw you carrying her body out into the woods behind the house." There was a brief pause before she hesitantly asked the question she obviously already knew the answer to: "So, she's already dead then?"

"Yes."

I heard Alice's sigh through the phone and waited for her to tell me what else we needed to do. She would make decisions and then look for a vision to tell her if it was the best course of action. We needed to get this right if we were going to be able to leave Forks without suspicion or questions. It would make things much easier if I could see the visions in her head as she was having them; however, that was not something that we could do over the phone.

After a few minutes of silence from her end, Alice detailed out the plan. Dump the body several miles into the surrounding woods, add some deep gouges and scratches, rip her clothes more, and so on. No one had seen me come into the house, and my car was still parked back on Cullen property. There was no evidence that I'd been here. I'd add a few footprints heading into the woods just to be sure that when the Chief started his search, he had a direction to go in. The faster they found the body, the better. Alice said she'd have Carlisle swipe a bag of blood from the hospital and he'd take care of the rest. She didn't think that anyone would bother with actual comparison DNA testing between her and the blood; she thought that at most they'd just test to see if there was any animal blood mixed in. We wanted her body found quickly before anyone had any chance to point fingers at people because of Chief Swan's daughter's disappearance. I was certain that my initial reaction to her in class didn't go unnoticed; I'd already caught a few stray thoughts from Mike Newton. In another week or two we'd leave town quietly, citing that Esme and the girls were frightened that it was no longer safe to live here.

Granted, the residents of Forks thought that my entire family loved the wilderness, but it would be easy to play off a fear of bears and mountain lions to the masses—especially if it was thought that such a wildly violent animal was roaming these woods so close to civilization.

I followed Alice's instructions to the letter and left the lifeless body of one Isabella Swan about five miles into the forest that bordered her home, before I ran back to the house to face my family.

After an uncomfortable meeting with my family members, I took off in an attempt to get as far away from everyone as possible. I found my way to a small meadow that I frequently visited when I longed for privacy and solitude. My family, of course, knew of it. However, they also knew that when I was there I wished to be alone. While standing in the middle of the open field—which in only a few weeks time would be filled with wildflowers—I took a moment to pause and recall what I had done. Isabella's dead eyes stared blankly at me, her muted cries of pain as I attacked, the simple nod of her head in acquiescence when I announced her fate…

She had only been cold for a few hours, but she was haunting me. I could hear and see it all. And I wanted nothing more than to be able to take it all back. Wishing, praying, wanting, all in senseless futility, I felt a sense of guilt like no other. When I could take it no longer, I took off in a run.

Running was one of the few things in this life that I truly enjoyed doing. It was freeing, and with my speed, it was almost like flying. Before I'd left the house for the meadow, Alice silently reminded me that I had to be in school the following morning to help keep up pretenses and then also reminded me that I would have to wear some of the colored contacts we all kept on hand, until the redness faded from my eyes. Of course, I'd already known what I had to do to keep up pretenses. However it made my sister feel better to be involved, especially since her vision had been faulty all evening.

I ran most of the night. In part to get away from my family, but it was more in a vain effort to deal with my own guilt. Even though I knew that this was part of the curse of the non-life that I led. However, this run didn't help to clear my mind. Instead, I saw the Swan girl's dead eyes at every turn. She was my own personal demon that followed me wherever I went.

The sun was rising when I made my way back toward the house. I was more than a little bit shocked to find that I was closer to home than I'd anticipated. It was a rare thing for me to be caught by surprise by anything. Not even bothering to stop to greet any of my family, I rushed up the stairs to change for school, remembering the contacts I kept in my closet, and then grabbing my school bag.

Then it was back to high school hell.

During the drive, I tuned out my family's thoughts as much as I could. The last thing I needed was to listen to Rosalie whine about how she was being forced to be uprooted over a year ahead of schedule. However, just as it always did, when someone so much as thought my name, it was hard not to focus my thoughts onto what they were thinking.

_Edward, what's up with the eyes?_ Emmett asked silently.

Turning my head slightly, I glared at him, only to be met by a look at confusion on his face.

_No, seriously. Why the hell would you wear contacts? Those things irritate the hell out of my eyes. I hate the damn things. _

I gave him a minute shake of my head and decided to wait until we reached the school to answer his idiotic question; both to save me from having to have the discussion of my failings with my brothers and sisters again and to save Emmett some of his dignity. Emmett was far from stupid, but sometimes he made the strangest comments. I knew it was his way of trying to lighten the mood and decrease tension, but this time it wasn't making any sense.

Turning into the parking lot at the school, I pulled into our regular space and everyone got out of the car as usual. With a sigh, I got out, as well. It was time to put on the Cullen performance and time for me to see if I could get any clues or information about the status of the Swan investigation.

I was rather stunned to find that it wasn't the first thought on everyone's minds. I stood on the sidewalk for several minutes longer than usual as I listened and after another moment, simply shook my head and walk toward the school. Emmett was standing a few feet away from me, the rest of the family having walked through the doors to their lockers already.

_Now will you tell me what's going on? _Emmett held up his hand to stop me from entering the building.

"That's a really stupid question, Emmett. Don't you think these children would notice if I came to school with red eyes?"

"What in the hell are you talking about?" he said aloud, his thoughts mirroring his tone of confusion, curiosity, and some blatant thoughts questioning my sanity.

I opened my mouth to tell him when I heard a god awful sound coming from the parking lot. Looking up, I spied the rusty old red pick-up truck I remembered seeing at the Swan house the afternoon before. But before I had a chance to try to discern what the driver was thinking, I saw her.

The ghost that had been haunting me since yesterday afternoon opened the door to the truck and slid out, looking more than a little bit lost as she tripped slightly and headed in the direction of the administration building.

"Is that the new girl?" Emmett asked.

"You see her, too?"

Emmett raised an eyebrow at me in question. It was then that I began to focus on the thoughts around me as the other students noticed their new classmate. They were all thinking as if they were seeing her for the very first time.

_I wonder if that's Chief Swan's daughter._

_Wow, she's pretty hot. Better than any of these other girls I have to look at all day._

_She sure doesn't look like she's from Arizona. Look at how pale she is._

_You're seriously starting to scare me._ The last thought was from Emmett, and I turned my eyes back to him as my apparition opened the door to the office.

"What's the date today?" I asked.

"February 2nd."

That wasn't possible. Vampires couldn't sleep and therefore couldn't dream. We also didn't suffer from hallucinations unless we were coerced by a talented vampire, and I was certain that if there were any other vampires in the area, then one of us would know. I knew what had happened yesterday. I remembered the moment that I first smelled Isabella's intoxicating scent, the very minute that my fingers dug into the tabletop in my attempt to maintain my control so I didn't take out the entire classroom of students. I could still visualize very clearly when I'd found her in her kitchen, and if I thought about it, I could still taste and feel her sweet, warm blood flooding my mouth and running down my throat.

But yesterday was February 2nd.

Ignoring Emmett's questions, both silent and aloud, I walked back to the car and tossed my notebook on the seat. When I moved back toward Emmett, I handed my keys to him, then I strode in the direction of the forest. Once there, I did the only thing I could do… I ran.


	2. Chapter 2

**Causality**

Part II

Running had proven itself to be futile. I ran up to Tanya's family that first day, traveling over 1200 miles in just under seventeen hours. They were as warm and welcoming as they always were, and they respected my desire for privacy. But as I was out hunting in the middle of the Denali Forest, my vision blurred, the trees shifted, and the snow slid away and once I was again able to see clearly, I found myself back near Forks, in my favorite meadow.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I stared at the display. It said it was just past six o'clock in the morning, which coincided with my mental countdown. However, that was not what caught my notice. I closed my eyes and reopened them, foolishly thinking that it would change the display. But it was to no avail… because the display on my cell phone read that it was again February 2nd.

It didn't make any sense, but instead of trying to solve the mystery, I simply took off yet again, this time traveling south, only stopping if I needed to avoid being seen.

No matter where I went, the moment the clock struck six in the morning, I would find myself back on the outskirts of Forks, in that very same meadow. I would be in British Columbia, Alberta, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Utah, Arizona, Oregon, Nevada, California, Colorado, on an airplane, in my car, and even in the middle of the fucking Pacific Ocean, and at six o'clock in the morning the scenery would blur, the terrain would change, and I would be in the middle of the fucking desolate field that I was beginning to loathe.

My cell phone always had the same display when I'd arrived there. Always six, always February 2nd. Each night, I would find myself stopping at midnight just so I could watch the date change and wonder if this would be the day when life would continue to move forward.

But nothing ever changed. I hunted, but always felt immensely thirsty when six o'clock rolled around. If I was feasting on an animal at the time, it would vanish, and the beast lurking in the shadows of my mind would growl viciously at the loss of its meal. When I destroyed things, everything was instantly righted when the magic hour rolled around.

My family would call when I didn't show up at the house in time for school. However, they, of course, never remembered the events of the day before. None of them ever knew that the previous morning I had informed them of my reasons for staying away from the town of Forks. Instead, I'd be able to hear Rosalie grumble in the background that it was my job to listen in to see if the new girl was suspicious and how could I abandon them this way. While I would hear Esme worry about when I was planning on returning. Alice would look forward to my future, but said that she couldn't see much and if what I was claiming was actually true, that running away wasn't the right decision because it wasn't taking me anywhere.

After the days turned into weeks and the weeks became months worth of February 2nds, I had to admit that I was beginning to agree with her. The time away made me miss my family. I yearned for the interaction and contact I had with them. Whereas it had only been a few hours since I'd seen them in their minds, it had been much longer to me. I was lonely, and eventually I began to doubt my thinking. How could my decisions be rational? There was no way that I could go on spending the rest of my immortal life reliving the same day over and over again. My sanity was bound to snap at one point.

I had considered death but had no idea of how to go about accomplishing such a thing without assistance. And there was no way I'd make it to Italy before the dawn of a new February 2nd.

For a brief time, I considered that perhaps there was some calamity that I was destined to stop. I headed into cities and towns in an attempt to save some poor soul's life. However, those "heroic" actions never removed me from my purgatory, a purgatory in which I was still being haunted by a girl who I was beginning to question if I'd actually killed.

It was after a great deal of frustration, irritation, and a sense of desolation that I finally resolved myself to my obvious fate and decided that on the next day I would remain in Forks after my six o'clock return. Such a decision might have seemed to be the obvious course, but I would be the first person to admit that I was a stubborn, guilt-ridden creature. Just because my last full day in Forks had resulted in the death of a girl did not mean that it was not her destiny to die. After a lengthy conversation with Alice, one in which I was thankful that she would not remember the following morning when I returned, she had posed the possibility that my problems revolved around the Swan girl. She was what had changed, but obviously, simply leaving her alive was not enough. Whether that meant I was supposed to kill her in yet another horrible way, or whether it meant I was supposed to befriend her, I didn't know, but I was willing to attempt just about anything if it meant my life could at last move forward.

It was 5:59 in the morning, and I was standing in the middle of a snowy field just outside of McCall, Idaho. I took a deep breath just as the final seconds counted down in my mind and closed my eyes, only to open them to find that I was standing in the middle of my private meadow just outside of Forks, Washington. Again.

On my way back to the house, I stopped and hunted first. It seemed logical that the correct course of action would be to see if I could remain in the same room as the girl without acting on my desire to kill her. When I arrived at the house and cleaned up, I heard several thoughts coming from my family members. All of whom were wondering why I had gone hunting without letting anyone know. We'd all been trying to hold off until the weekend, in an effort to stretch out the number of days between feeding so we had a smaller impact on the wildlife in the area.

"New girl starts today," I answered with a shrug. "I just thought it might be a good idea."

Once the words were out of my mouth, Alice looked forward to my future and saw me attacking the girl exactly as I had done the first time I'd met her, in the middle of her kitchen after school.

_You've already decided?_ she asked silently.

Having no desire to have the discussion where others could hear, I just shifted my eyes from left to right. Alice and I had more than enough conversations in this way that she knew the message I was conveying.

_This is the first vision I've had of her. Did you already know?_

I glanced up to the ceiling before looking down at the floor.

_How?_

"Later," I said a bit louder, as if telling Esme and Carlisle goodbye. "We need to get to school."

Moments later, we were all in the car, and I was pulling out of the garage to head to school.

When we arrived, everyone got out. However, this time Alice was the one who was too curious about what was going on that she stayed back while the others went into the school. For what I knew for a fact to be the seventy-fifth time, I explained how I had been living the same day perpetually and filled her in on the conversation we'd had the previous morning. Just as Alice always did, she listened with an open mind. Although I heard the doubts run through her head, I also knew that she would give me the benefit of the doubt. She always did.

_Leaving didn't help._

"No."

_What is your plan today?_

"I'm going to talk to her."

_Talk to her or eat her?_ Then Alice showed me another vision of me approaching Isabella in the hallway at the school and luring her outside before attacking her.

I cringed. "I'm going to try talking." What I didn't tell Alice was the part of our conversation from the previous day when she'd told me that it was just as possible that I was meant to kill the girl—I'd just done it wrong before—so killing the Swan girl might be what I needed to do in order to move forward.

Alice sighed audibly. _I'll try to continue to keep an eye out for you today, but I'm also getting worried about Jasper. He's never gone this long without hunting. Now, there is the issue that you've hunted and if you're concerned about slipping, Jasper is going to be thinking that he's even more likely to stumble and that will make him even more likely to have a problem. I've already seen him draining three different students since getting ready for school this morning._

"He'll be fine, Alice. Don't worry. This time I can assure you that I've been the one who has already seen it," I said with a smirk.

She visibly relaxed until we heard the old Chevy pick-up as it pulled into the student parking lot. _Is that her?_

I nodded.

_And you can't hear her thoughts?_

"Not a single one."

_Huh. I wonder why I can see her future then._ As if it were of no consequence, Alice shrugged her shoulders and turned to go into the school. After another beat longer, I followed.

By lunch, I was growing frustrated. I had learned nothing. Thus far the morning had gone exactly as I'd recalled it going before. Lectures, assignments, nothing of consequence. This time, my already dreadfully boring school day was even more mind-numbing because I'd already lived through it once. I had to fight off a shudder when the thought struck me that it was possible I'd have to go through it many more times before I got the day right and was able to move forward.

During lunch, I was so preoccupied with every movement the new girl made that Emmett had to kick my foot to get my attention when I missed the bell signaling the next class was about to begin.

Seated at my usual lab table in Biology class, I waited for Bella to come into the room. I held my breath the moment I saw her so I wouldn't receive a blast of her scent as she walked in front of the vent. When she at last was seated next to me, I smiled. Her cheeks flamed in response, and I could hear her heart thumping loudly, the blood rushing through her veins in nervousness. Swallowing down the venom pooling in my mouth, my mind briefly flashed to the memory of the first time I'd sat next to her in class, which led me directly to the thoughts I'd had of her while I'd been seated so close to her.

"Hello," I greeted, leaning toward her in an attempt to be friendly and in an effort to distract myself.

She turned her head, and her smile broadened. "Hi. I'm Bella," she replied, holding out her hand for me to take. In a bold and foolish move, I grasped her hand in mine. Bella gasped at the coldness of my skin, and I could swear that I felt a thrum of energy rush between us, as if we were both the frayed ends of a live wire. I could feel her heartbeat through her palm and fingers, and I closed my eyes for a moment, reveling in both the sensation and the sound as her heart began to beat even faster.

"And you are?"

Bella had no way of knowing that I was aware of her gossipy conversation with Jessica Stanley in the lunch room, so I knew she was only asking in either politeness or to propel a conversation. "Edward."

Her cheeks burned even more as I swallowed another mouthful of venom. This time, however, there was the smallest taste of her scent from when I'd opened my mouth to speak. The flames in my throat burned hotter. I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to ignore it, but a piercing scream caught my attention and my eyes flew open. Isabella's thoroughly crushed and now bloodied hand was gripped firmly in mine. Before I could even process what to do, the fire alarm was blaring and all of the students were up out of their seats and rushing through the door.

It didn't take much searching through thoughts for me to know that Alice had pulled the alarm just as I was mangling Bella's hand. The students didn't seem to even notice that her screaming began milliseconds before the obnoxiously loud alarm. I pulled her from her seat and through the throng of students out to the courtyard, never once releasing her hand from my grip. I held my breath until I was able to lift her up in my arms and increase my speed into the woods behind the school.

Her noisy cries stopped as soon as I picked her up, although I immediately noticed her labored breathing as she attempted to contain her pain and emotions. Once we were far away from witnesses, I set her down. She continued to stare at me with wide eyes but couldn't seem to find her tongue.

"I'm sorry," I told her honestly.

Bella held her broken hand up toward me, and I softly cupped my icy hands around it. "It wasn't my intention to hurt you."

She shook her head. "H-how?"

"I'm very strong." I brushed my fingers along the bones from her wrist up to the tips of her fingers. There was a large cut where my fingernails had dug through the skin of her hand, digging into her fifth metacarpal. It was inevitable now, so I brought the open wound up to my nose and inhaled slowly.

"I am so sorry, Bella," I whispered again.

"We'll…" She shook her head, tears streaming down her face, and she tried to control her breathing. "Just help me, please." I could tell that she was dancing around saying that everything would all be "all right." Neither of us believed that, it was the furthest thing from the truth. None of this was all right. Not even close.

"You don't understand. I'm sorry for what I have to do now." She looked at me, clearly perplexed by my words. I inhaled the scent of her blood from her open wound just as I heard my family approaching. "But if we're lucky, this will all be some sort of strange dream and you'll awaken again tomorrow morning as if nothing happened."

Before she could even absorb my words I wrapped my right hand behind her neck, pulling her closer to me. Then I placed my lips up to her throbbing jugular and bit down as I snapped her neck.

The pattern continued.

I quickly learned that holding my breath and not speaking during Biology allowed me to make it through the short class without slaughtering the girl who sat next to me.

Instead, I typically waited until I _coincidentally_ bumped into her in the hallway and I'd lure her into the janitor's closet, the girl's bathroom down the math hallway that no one ever went into because it was notorious for plumbing problems, or a deserted classroom. I'd catch her after her gym class, or I'd follow her home from school. For whatever reason, the girl seemed as drawn to me as I was to her. She never displayed the same hesitation or fear that a typical human victim expressed. Of course she was afraid, but she had a very trusting quality about her. Sometimes I would tell her what was coming, other times I'd take her completely by surprise. If I asked her why she followed when I asked her to, her answer was always, "I don't know. There is just something about you. It's like I'm supposed to be here with you."

Each and every time, I drained her dry. I couldn't stop myself. Whenever I was near her the monster inside would rattle the bars until I allowed him out to feed—or until he broke loose. Either way, the girl always wound up dead.

Restraint seemed futile. It was just like the running; no matter what I did, the day repeated itself. So, I spent a great deal of my time thinking about the best way to kill her. When I'd discussed the lure of her scent with Emmett one day after I'd sabotaged her truck in the parking lot and conveniently offered her a ride home, he'd said that he didn't think that there was any reason to resist. That if her blood was calling to me that strongly, then he felt that she was simply destined to be my next meal. And after my first experience of trying to talk with her, I knew that conversation was doomed to fail.

A terrible fate, but it was nearly impossible to fight, and obviously leaving her alone hadn't solved anything.

Bella died again and again to the point where I almost felt numb. The guilt was a constant, but because I was living in a perpetual state of self-loathing, I slowly grew immune to it. Her dead, haunting eyes weren't as clear, and I was resigned that this was our destiny.

That didn't mean I was cruel and heartless. Each time I apologized and gave her as quick and painless a death as possible.

Fifty-six more February 2nds came and went. Each and every time I'd killed the girl, and each and every time my sins had been erased. It was as if nothing had ever happened. Well, except for the painful and graphic memories that I housed. But no one else had to see it. No one else had to know. I had quit cluing my family into the goings on unless I was feeling particularly pensive and morose; then I would speak with one of them in order to see if they had a different perspective I'd not yet heard. Even that was always the same, however. Carlisle and Alice always thought I should overcome my thirst and spend time getting to know the girl. Esme just wanted me to be happy and do whatever I thought to be best. Rosalie's thoughts were selfish insomuch that she only wanted me to do whatever it was I had to do in order for them to all be able to continue to live in Forks. Emmett and Jasper both thought I should just kill the girl the _right_ way—whatever the hell that method turned out to be—and be done with it.

I wasn't gaining anything by simply snapping the girl's neck and then having to explain to my family, yet again, what had happened. I hated those talks the most because, of course, they didn't know what was going on. I'd have to convince them of my curse, while apologizing for my failings. Then we would all spend the night hoping that everything would be washed away by the next morning.

The fact remained, however, that something had to change. As it was, nothing was changing, so I again decided to attempt to have a conversation with her and see how things progressed from there.

Therefore, on the one hundred twenty-third February 2nd, I again spoke to Isabella in class. We talked for a full five minutes. It took a bit to coax her into speaking, but once she did, I listened to her as she talked about her first day woes, her sadness about having left her mother in Phoenix, and her barely adjusting to living with her father. She seemed surprised at herself for speaking so freely, but said nothing further about it.

Then I forced myself to hold my breath and tried to ignore her luscious scent, the beautiful wet thudding sounds of her heart, and the warmth her body emitted. I only lasted another eight minutes before I attacked, this time in a room full of witness. Alice came running in moments later with Jasper by her side while I was still drinking down the last pint of Bella's blood while the rest of the classroom was in chaos. Most of them too stunned to move, though once Mike started screaming, most everyone else followed suit. Together, Alice and Jasper took out the rest of the witnesses… Jasper enjoyed himself immensely. I winced as I saw the pain in my sister's eyes while she drained the blood from the quiet girl named Angela whom she had always said seemed sweet—I was sure that after tasting her, she believed that statement even more. I felt guilty for putting her in a position where she felt the frenzy and the compulsion to go against her beliefs in that way. Before that moment, Alice hadn't killed a human since her newborn years.

We disabled the fire alarm, and Emmett helped us stage an explosion and fire in the Biology class room with a rigged locked door. It was a horrible tragedy. Every student who was supposed to be in the classroom was reported as dead, including me. No survivors and most of the bodies were burned beyond recognition. I ran home under the canopy of trees, while my family had to stay at the school and mourn my supposed demise. It was more sobering than when I'd finally realized I wasn't above God and returned back to Carlisle and Esme at the end of my rebellious years. It was painful to see the devastation on the faces of each of my family members. This was more than simply dealing with Rosalie's irritation that we had to move again. I had the fall of half of my family on my shoulders this time. When Rosalie and Emmett had come in to help us sabotage the classroom, they'd both had difficulty controlling their bloodlust, and already Emmett was in the midst of pondering the consequences if he were to kill a human since three of us had faltered in just one afternoon.

I spent the evening sitting around the dinning room table at our home, where my family and I discussed what we would need to do if time continued to move forward, and then we plotted what I should do if the day repeated itself again. I found myself hoping the day would recycle. If I ever needed a do over, this was the time.

I vowed right then that if I were lucky enough to go through the day again, I would do whatever I had to in order to make sure my family didn't have to suffer through the same guilt from killing so many innocents. This was my cross, my burden, and the last thing I wanted to do was to make the rest of them suffer. They all deserved better than that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Causality**

Part III

There had to be some way to change the outcome. I'd obviously made many mistakes, hell, I couldn't even carry on a conversation without wanting to rip the poor girl's throat out. So, I decided that my first step was to simply make it through the day without killing her. Not only was the vision of Bella Swan's deep brown eyes firmly reestablished, but there was also the pained black gaze of my favorite sister as her eyes took on a red hue. It was the two images combined that held me steady day in and day out.

At that point, my family was no longer aware of the repetition, nor were they aware of my struggles. I simply went through the day as I had the first time, never breathing in the girl's presence. Sometimes I would finish out the day by trying to leave town, but after having spent so much time away from my family when I'd run before, it wasn't my preferred evening activity. After all, it was akin to running in a hamster wheel—I never actually went anywhere.

Anytime being in her presence became too much, I'd make up an excuse about being ill and bolt from the classroom or I would be unintentionally destructive. One day I gripped the sides of my chair so tightly when Bella sat down next to me in Biology that my chair broke in half. Mr. Banner gave me a strange look and sent me to grab the janitor to clean up the mess. Another day, the table snapped in two. They were small ways I somehow managed to keep the monster locked in his cage.

Suffering through, day in and day out to acclimate myself to Isabella's enticing smell was what made my day infinitely more mind-numbing. The day was always the same. Not only did the teachers teach the same lessons in class. The students stepped the same way, made the same comments, had the same asinine and insipid thoughts, even my family was predictable. The only changes occurred when I interfered, and I no longer had the enticement of her death to keep me from the tedium. Since I couldn't commit suicide, I was beginning to think—and in some ways wish—that the monotony itself would kill me.

The only thing I had to propel me forward was my mission to unlock the mystery of Bella Swan. She was the difference, she was the purpose. I could feel it within the very depths of my _s_… well, I just knew. So, I tried to learn new things about her by watching, by speaking with other students, by listening to the murky thoughts of her father, and by eavesdropping on her conversations. The only thing I never did was speak directly to her. After my initial attempts at speaking to her, I didn't want to take any chances.

On several successive afternoons, I left school after my discussion with my siblings in the cafeteria, skipping out on my last two classes, and let myself into the Swan house. I spent my time exploring, going through her room, studying the books that adorned her shelves, the emails on her computer—all of which were from her mother—the CDs she had, her photos… the list went on and on. All of it helped me to see her as a person instead of simply a meal, not to mention how over time I became more and more acclimated to her scent. The only downfall was that she'd only just moved back into the house, so her scent was lighter, just barely starting to creep down into the nooks and crevices of the old house.

When the days continued to repeat, I began to spend the nights in her room sitting in her rocking chair by the window. I knew every movement she was going to make, it was timed exactly. She would start talking in her sleep at 1:08 am, talking about her mother, the cold, rain, and how green everything was. Then, just as her alarm clock next to her bed would change to six in the morning, the bedroom would fade from around me and I would be alone, standing in the middle of the meadow where it was eternally winter.

I hated my life.

One hundred ninety-eight more February 2nds passed before I even tried to speak to her. I asked her if I could borrow a pen because mine conveniently ran out of ink halfway through Mr. Banner's lecture. She smiled and blushed fiercely before she reached into her bag and grabbed another pen to hand to me.

"Thank you, Bella."

She looked at me confused, but I wasn't sure what the problem was until a few minutes later she leaned toward me. A waft of her scent hit me making it feel as if someone had lit my throat on fire. My left hand was firmly gripping the lab table while I focused my energy and attention on not breaking the pen in my hand.

"How did you know my name?"

Her question alerted me quickly that she had yet to introduce herself. I thought back to the cafeteria and her conversation with Jessica and smirked. "Don't try to tell me that you don't know mine. Your arrival was highly anticipated, and you've been correcting people on what to call you all day. I listen."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me for a moment, as if she were trying to solve a difficult riddle. Then she nodded her head, and a warm smile graced her features. "Fair enough, Edward."

I couldn't help but chuckle when she said my name and proved my point.

She turned her attention back to the teacher, but I caught her stealing glimpses of me out of the corner of her eye the remainder of the class period while I ceased to breathe.

We repeated the identical interaction ten times more before I felt as if I could actually do something more than say a few words to her. Each time I made the attempt, I was testing my limits. I was exasperated by the slow progress and many times found myself questioning if it was indeed what I was supposed to be doing, but something inside of me told me I was on the right path. It was that intuition which helped keep me going forward in my efforts to get to know Isabella Swan.

Eventually I worked myself up to distracting her through most of our class together, talking and childishly passing notes. Flirting in its most innocent form, and I was surprised to find that I enjoyed it immensely.

I'd surpassed well over three hundred days of February 2nds. I'd been going through the exact same thing for nearly a year. It was a long damn time to live life in such a repetitive state. If the day ever ended, I vowed I would never complain about the boredom of being a vampire and living for eternity again. At least there had been some variety in that life. Even if I knew what a person was thinking before they said anything, at least I didn't know exactly what they'd think at any precise moment of the day. Carlisle worried about Mrs. Clayton, a post-surgical patient who was at risk for sepsis at 10:16 in the evening. Angela Webber worried about failing an upcoming history exam at 8:28 in the morning. Rosalie thought about how superior her looks were to every person she was surrounded by at—well, Rosalie always thought about that, so the fact that on February 2nd she thought about it at 7:12 am, 7:34 am, 8:02 am, 8:07 am, 8:15 am, and so on and so forth really wasn't that surprising… it was just mind-numbing.

My time with Bella Swan was the highpoint of the day. In part because it was in my interactions with her that I was truly making an effort to change, but also it was because I couldn't hear her thoughts. If I asked her a new question or steered the conversation into a new direction, I didn't know exactly what she was thinking or what she would say.

She was refreshing, and I found myself utterly fascinated with her.

The bell rang signaling the end of the class period, and instead of bolting out of the door, I took my time gathering my books. Bella continued to sneak glances at me under her lashes. I had the urge to tuck her hair behind her ear so I could see her face more clearly, but to her, I'd only known her for an hour. Outside of a handshake, touching wasn't something that people did when they'd just met one another.

"Do you have plans after school today?"

The look of surprise in her eyes told me that was the last thing she thought I'd say to her, and I grinned.

She shrugged. "Not really. Homework, dinner for my dad. That sort of thing."

"Would you like to study together this afternoon? I could make sure you're caught up in all of your classes. Maybe afterward your father would let us go get an ice cream soda or…" My words trailed off suddenly, feeling very stupid. Ice cream? Did people still do that? Go down to the drugstore and have an ice cream soda?

_Oh, hell no! Cullen lives like a monk ever since he moved here and now he chooses the first nice looking girl outside of his family to move to this stupid town to hit on?_ Mike Newton's thoughts were more annoying then the semi-tempered words he typically spoke aloud. I shot him a glare, and he paused for a moment before continuing to make his way to where Bella and I stood.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me for a moment after my meager attempt of asking her on a date. Then she gave me a small smile. "That sounds nice. Thank you."

I nodded. "I just need to take my brothers and sisters home and then I'll come by. Would that be acceptable?"

"Sure."

With a final glance at Newton, who seemed both annoyed and perplexed by my interaction with Bella, I turned to leave.

"Wait!"

I looked back at the girl as she rushed to me, effectively ignoring the boy who was perched to adorn her with his attention.

"Don't you need my address or directions or something?"

I smiled. "Chief Swan's house," I said. "I think I'll be able to find it."

"Oh." The confusion was back on her face, although now it was laced with a fine hint of suspicion. I would have to remember to act as if I didn't intimately know the entire layout of the house when I went over there later.

"It's a small town, Bella. And everyone knows your father."

Her face relaxed. "Oh, right. Then I'll see you later this afternoon."

Another nod and I hurried out of the room as quickly as I could while amongst the humans.

I was slightly on edge during the drive back to the house, and Jasper kept shooting me odd looks, asking me silently to tell him what was going on. Alice soon caught on, and I was suddenly bombarded with images of my time with Bella. As she searched through her visions, she gasped when a cloudy and blurred image of me standing over Bella's lifeless body in the kitchen emerged. I cringed and shook my head, both to dispel the image from my own mind and to give Alice some reassurance that I had no intention of allowing that to happen. I'd already lived through that particular version of events, and I had no desire to do so again.

The vision quickly left Alice and was replaced by an image of Bella and I sitting in her kitchen with her schoolbooks and notebooks strewn across the table. No matter what I had to do, that would be the vision that came to fruition.

When we got to the house, everyone got out of the car but Alice. She placed her hand on my shoulder. _Do you want to tell me what's going on?_

"Not right now, Alice. I don't want to be late."

_When will you be home?_

"I don't know."

"Be careful," she said as she got out of the car and went into the house to find her husband.

I would deal with Alice when or if I returned to the house before the day changed. Then my mind briefly entertained the idea that the day could possibly end. Spending this much time with Bella was a major step forward. At least I hoped it was a step forward and that I wasn't simply spinning my wheels in futility.

When I arrived at the Swan house, I parked along the street and when I exited my car, I stood along the path leading up to the front door and inhaled deeply. There was a distinct scent of Bella, and I took a moment to again acclimate myself to her scent. I was surprised to find myself savoring the burn of my throat instead of cursing it. The pain meant that she was still alive and, for now, that was my goal.

I knocked on the door and listened to the sounds as she walked to the foyer, including what sounded like Bella stumbling over something along the way.

She looked flustered when she opened the door, but a bright smile lit her face when she met my gaze. "Hi," she greeted. "Come in." As she led me through the front room and into the kitchen, I couldn't help but notice a slight limp as she favored her left leg, nor could I miss that the small end table next to the couch was crooked.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

The flame in my throat burned hotter at her words. I swallowed down a mouthful of venom and closed my eyes a moment to recompose myself. I reassured her that I didn't need anything, and soon enough we were both seated at the kitchen table, her school books and notes covering the Formica table top. From the way she took notes and seemed to be able to keep up—at least with the one Biology lecture I'd sat with her in—with the classroom discussion, I had ascertained that she was bright. And from my trips into her bedroom, I had guessed that she enjoyed classic literature. However, those two small tidbits had not shown me how intelligent Bella truly was. She was ahead in most every class, except for Trigonometry. So, we spent the majority of the afternoon as I went over the concepts she wasn't entirely familiar with so she would be caught up with the rest of her classmates.

When we finished, I gathered up the books and papers, while Bella began looking through the cupboards to see what was available for dinner.

Before it even became an issue, I excused myself, telling her that my family was expecting me for dinner and that I would be by at seven to show her around the very small town.

I had no desire to return to the house and answer dozens of needless questions. Instead I drove my car around the corner and then ran back to the forest behind her house and sat up in one of the trees that bordered her property, close enough to the house to be able to hear Bella and her father as they spoke during dinner and so I could hear her father's thoughts.

I smiled in amusement as Bella casually mentioned her plans for the evening and then the onslaught of thoughts that ran through her father's head. He was certain I was Emmett and that I was at least nineteen or twenty… obviously held back in school a few years. This, of course, made sense to Charlie because he'd heard the rumors around town about how much the Cullens excelled in school. Then, even though he knew that none of us had ever been in any trouble, he decided that likely all of us had been held back in school because of emotional issues, because, of course, all adopted children had a long string of emotional issues to overcome.

Chuckling quietly to myself at his rationale, I shook my head. Ridiculous, although I could also see in his thoughts that he was simply trying to be a good father since he'd been mostly absent from his daughter's life. But I also could tell that he didn't believe the things he was saying and Bella was going to get her way.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, distracting me from their conversation.

"Alice," I greeted after seeing her name flash on the screen.

"Well, I know you were right and you didn't kill her this afternoon, but why do I now see you sitting with her down at the coffee shop later?"

"Because when she's finished with dinner that is where I'm going to take her." Well, that hadn't been exactly true, I'd been thinking that there must be someplace along Main Street where I could take her. "Alice, what else do you see?" I asked her.

She thought for a moment, and I wished that she was sitting on the tree branch right next to me so I could see her visions spin out before me.

"Not much. Just you sitting in her room tonight. Why would you do that, Edward?"

"It's not important. But I mean after tonight, Alice. What do you see after tonight?" A piece of the puzzle was finally making itself clear to me; I just needed Alice to confirm it for me.

Alice was quiet much longer before she responded. Finally, she whispered, barely loud enough for even my sensitive hearing to pick up, "Nothing."

"What?"

"I can see futures for every single one of us. I see the hunting trip this weekend and a race up to the top of Glacier Peak. I see Jasper's gift for me on Valentine's Day and I see that Esme is going to be furious when Emmett and Rosalie manage to destroy their bathroom that same night. But Edward, I don't see you anywhere. It's as if… as if after tonight you no longer exist, but no matter how hard I try, I can't see anything that could possibly destroy you."

I quickly thought back through all of the conversations I'd had with her and with my family since the first time I saw Isabella Swan. I'd never thought much of it because Alice had visions of the future for the rest of the family, but never anything further than the end of the day for me. Never once had she given any concrete or certain information about anything further in my future than the single day. She'd just tell me that things were blurry, but she'd always been so worried about looking at all of our futures that I'd never pressed it. And she and I both know that if she saw the rest of the family content—especially only a couple of weeks from now—then she wouldn't think anything of her lack of vision for me.

"Can you see Bella?"

"I just don't think that I'm attuned to her, Edward. I've seen her with you, just not past tonight."

"Do you see me killing her tonight?"

"Not anymore. She's just as blank as you are past tonight. What does that mean?"

"I don't know."

I told Alice I appreciated her checking for me and did my best to reassure her that nothing bad would happen tonight, but that I might not return until morning. Then I flipped the phone closed and slipped it back into my pocket, never ceasing to ponder Alice's lack of vision. I wondered if that meant I was still on the wrong path.

My introduction to Chief Swan had been brief. According to his thoughts, Bella had convinced him that I just wanted to show her around town and where all of our classmates hung out. I promised him that I would have Bella home early and then escorted her out to my car. Even after only having been away from her for a little over an hour, I found my restraint wavering. She truly had the most enticing blood I'd ever had the privilege of tasting….

"Edward."

I turned my eyes to look at her. She was only a few inches away as she studied my face, and I felt as if I were suddenly embraced by her scent.

"Did you just growl?" she asked.

"Sorry."

"Just checking." She then climbed into the passenger side of the car.

I shut the door for her before walking at a painfully slow pace, but I needed the time to compose myself before shutting myself in such a tiny and enclosed space with her. I didn't want to kill her. Not again. I was feeling myself change. The more time I spent with her, the more I was beginning to like her. Not only did I admire her intelligence and wit, but I admired her obvious care and concern for others. Those traits were apparent in the way she spoke about her father, her mother, and even the people who she had barely just met at school. But in her eyes and those of everyone else around me, I'd only known her for a little more than six hours.

"So…"

"Yes?" I asked, genuinely curious about what she wanted to say.

"Do you often growl?" Even in the dark, I didn't miss the small smile that played on her lips or the twinkle of amusement in her eyes.

I laughed. "More often than most people you've met, I'm sure."

"Hmm."

"Does that bother you?"

She shook her head. "No. I was just… just curious."

"Please, Bella, feel free to ask or say anything you wish. I would love to have a chance to figure out what's going on inside of that mind of yours."

She narrowed her eyes at me, again obviously trying to decipher my words, but she didn't say anything more. It amazed me how perceptive she was and how after only such a short time she was already seeing through my façade. The more I thought about it, the more I decided that it wouldn't matter if she discovered my secret. Perhaps that was what needed to happen for our lives to be able to finally move forward.

As I thought about that, I parked the car in front of the Forks Coffee Shop. Surprisingly enough, it turned out that it was a popular hangout for the high school students of Forks. I managed to smile at her. "Ready?"

"Yep."

I bought Bella ice cream and then a coffee for myself. It was easy to pretend to drink out of a closed lid paper cup as long I remembered to lift the vile liquid to my mouth every so often.

Bella was visibly uncomfortable, playing with the ice cream as it slowly melted in the bowl and constantly fidgeting. I wished I knew what she was thinking so I had some sort of an idea of what I was doing to make her uncomfortable, although better late than never. Maybe I was supposed to make certain her survival instincts kicked in and that she was properly afraid of me for the day to move forward. I shook my head at the thought. By this point I wanted nothing more than for a new day to dawn so I could see Bella in other situations, in other places, at a time when she wasn't the shiny new toy.

"Are you okay?

She twirled her spoon, scooping up some chocolate from the bottom of the bowl and drizzling it on its rightful place over the ice cream. "Everyone is staring."

"I'm sorry. This is really the first time I've ever come down here."

"Really?"

I nodded as I sifted through the thoughts of those around us. We really were catching a lot of attention between my first time being seen in public with someone other than a family member, and with Bella simply being new.

"I really didn't know there would be so many people here."

"Why haven't you ever come here before?"

I tossed around her question for a bit as I worked out the best way to answer her. "My family and I tend to stick together. We spend more times on outdoor trips with each other than we do hanging out at coffee shops with the other students from school."

"They're all together, right?" Her tone was questioning and curious, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to look me in the eyes when she asked. I could only imagine the things running through her head.

"Yes."

Bella sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and began gnawing on it with her teeth. I hoped she didn't break the skin, I may have been slowly working on building up a resistance to her blood, but I didn't think I would be able to restrain myself if she had freshly spilt blood coating her lips.

She blushed again when she noticed me staring. "Um… why aren't you with anyone?"

"Because I'd never found the right person." It was as I spoke that I realized the true meaning behind my own words, but I didn't want to take the time to focus on it. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out. Seeing Alice's name again flashing on the screen, I sent the call directly to voicemail.

"Anything important?"

"Just my sister."

We sat in uncomfortable silence for another three minutes and twenty-six seconds before I asked, "Are you finished?"

"Sure." Although she agreed, she made no move to leave.

"It's just that there are two guys behind me who are going to come over here in just a moment and corner you. I thought you'd prefer to leave before they actually stand up." I could hear Eric and Tyler as they spoke quietly to each other. They were both encouraging the other to come over to ask Bella to the movies this weekend and were just on the verge of agreeing to both come over.

Bella dropped her spoon into her bowl, grabbed her coat, and stood. "Let's go."

I chuckled at her eagerness and knew I'd been right—she truly didn't want anymore attention placed on her. Reaching in front of her, I opened the door for her and escorted her back to the car. I was surprised she didn't ask me how I knew that the boys were going to approach her. I could see the gears turning in her head as she tried to figure me out. It endeared me to her all the more.

As I drove her home, I came to the conclusion that I didn't want the time to end. I wanted to walk her to her door, perhaps kiss her hand, or maybe even kiss her on the cheek, but I didn't trust myself not to hurt her. Thinking of all of the times I'd hurt her, as I'd snapped her neck, broke her hand, crushed her ribs, and drained her blood caused an aching in my chest to form. I rubbed it absently, curious because my body didn't feel pain the way a human would.

"Are you all right?"

I turned my attention back to the girl seated next to me. "Yes. I was just thinking."

She smiled. "Sometimes I get so lost in thought that everything else falls away around it."

"Yes, that's exactly it." I studied her face, the soft paleness of her skin, the apples of her cheeks, and the deep brown color in her eyes. "It is just very peaceful being with you. I'm not used to that. Typically for me to have any sense of serenity, I have to be by myself."

"Sounds lonely."

I nodded. "It can be, but this is nice."

"I think so too."

All too soon we were at her house. I didn't get out of the car, I didn't hold her hand, or kiss her goodnight.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," was I could say, wishing desperately it could be true.

"Save me a seat in Biology."

"I'll do you one better and save you a seat at lunch," I said with a playful smirk that turned into a smile when she laughed lightly and nodded her head in agreement.

Once I saw that she was safely in her house, I drove my car down the block and around the corner so I could go back to the tree outside of her bedroom window. I'd barely made it up the tree when I heard it. Her voice was as grating in my head as it was to my ears, but I knew she was persistent enough that if I didn't respond to her mentally calling my name, she'd wind up sitting in the tree next to me while she complained about the branches in her hair. So, I jumped down and took off after her.

The closer I got to Rosalie, the further away she ran. She led me deep into the woods as I wondered what her game was until she finally stopped.

"What?" I asked her bluntly. I just wanted to get back and watch Bella sleep; I wanted to enjoy this day before it recycled itself. I wondered if when she began talking in her sleep just after one in the morning, if she would talk about me. I wanted to call Alice and see if she could see a future for either of us yet. I wanted to be anywhere but with Rosalie.

"What do you think you're doing?" Rosalie spat.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"You're being careless, stupid, and selfish."

"I wonder who that sounds like," I retorted.

"You're going to ruin everything for us. I like it here. I don't want to leave because you're being irresponsible. Did you already tell her about us?"

"You don't even know what you're talking about. I can personally guarantee that I haven't ruined anything. And no, she doesn't know anything, but if that's what it takes, I'll be sure to tell her all of our deepest and darkest secrets." I was goading her and I knew it. Rosalie had no idea about the personal hell I was living in, but I hated that she felt she had the right to come and tell me what I had to do.

That was when I caught it. Up until that moment, Rosalie's thoughts mirrored her words. This wasn't unusual; she hated that I could hear everything that went through her head. She wanted her voice to be heard, and she rightfully felt that if her thoughts enhanced and emphasized what she said then I would understand her feelings more fully. But a glimmer of her thoughts that weren't mirroring her exact words came through when I'd spoken.

_He'd better be done now._

Such simple words that without context one would think she was referring to me, but that was the problem, that was the slip. I saw Rosalie's true intent with just barely a flicker of an image, almost too quick for me to grasp. I stared at her in horror for a fraction of a second and then willed my legs to move. While I ran, I pulled out my phone from my pocket, flipped it open, and dialed.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"That's all you have to say?" I hissed.

"I couldn't see your future past today, and I got worried. I saw some brief images of you killing her, and then I saw one that was more solid of you telling her everything about us and no matter what, there was still nothing of either of you beyond tonight."

"And now, Alice? Do you see anything now?"

"Nothing."

Instead of snapping the phone closed, I crushed it between my fingers, tossing the shattered bits of plastic on the ground just as I entered the clearing to the Swan house. I didn't waste any time, climbing the tree by Bella's window. The window was wide open, and his scent was everywhere.

Her bedroom was exactly as it always was. There was a slightly damp towel from her shower on the floor next to her bed, her hairbrush sat on her desk next to her ancient computer. And lying in the bed, with her eyes wide open and nothing more than light of the moon dancing on her skin, was Bella's still body. The scent of her blood permeated the room, but what small traces were left had already grown cold and unwanted. It no longer smelled appetizing. In fact, if I could've felt nauseated and vomited, I would have.

I took a step closer. Her throat had been crushed, I'd wager that Jasper had been so quick that she'd barely felt it. If nothing else, Jasper was compassionate. I could hear his thoughts out in the forest as he slowly came down off of his high from his meal. Anger, guilt, remorse, and satisfaction were at the forefront of his mind. Behind that, he was preparing himself for a fight. He could feel my own anguish and guilt over this girl, and Jasper knew me well enough to know that I would want to seek reparations.

But I couldn't focus on him. My eyes, my body, my mind… every part of me demanded that I give Bella my full attention. I walked across the floor to her bed. Leaning down, I scooped up her body into my arms. Then, I carried her through the still and silent house and out the front door, careful to shut it quietly behind me.

_What are you doing?_

"Leave me alone, Jasper. You've done enough."

_You've been acting crazy all day. Alice couldn't see you anymore. We were worried. Things could've become bad had we allowed you to carry on._

"You know absolutely nothing about what's been going on. None of you do."

I brushed aside the rest of Jasper's mental words when I began to see images of him thinking about how he'd killed her. It made my vision turn red with anger, but I chose instead to run. With her body in my arms, I went all the way to my meadow.

My rationale for carrying her body with me couldn't be explained. The dead weight in my arms simply served as a reminder of all that I'd lost. Jasper had killed her, he'd been the one to suck her life out of her, and he'd been the one to potentially take her away from me for good.

I stood in the wet, desolate, silent field with her body in my arms all night, as I thought. My family knew enough about me to stay away. This was one place where they wouldn't disturb me unless I asked them to.

Time dragged on as I counted down each hour, each minute, and each second in my head. Leaning my head down, I kissed the motionless form in my arms just as I counted down the final seconds. Then, just as I'd hoped it would, the world shifted around me, and Isabella Swan's body shimmered and then vanished from my arms… and my day began again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Causality**

Part IV

I sat in the meadow for seven days, hardly breathing, barely moving, not even blinking my eyes. I stood as stone still as any statue and felt just as useful. The phone I had destroyed before entering Bella's bedroom was whole and working perfectly, vibrating in my pocket to let me know that my family members were trying to reach me. Sometimes I answered, and most times I didn't. Either way, it didn't change anything. It was the same as when I'd run right after the entire mess had started.

The only difference was that now I knew that my feelings for the girl had grown to the point where it wasn't because I missed my family that I wanted to return back to town—it was to be with _her_. I just didn't know how to do that without destroying her. Her eyes no longer haunted me. Instead, it was her very soul that sang out, demanding that I be with her, protect her, save her….

Jasper.

It took those seven days for my anger with him to finally wane. I could blame him all I wanted to, but the fact of the matter was that he had only done what he thought was best for our family. He'd been protecting Alice, me, and the rest of them. And then, beyond all of that, Jasper didn't even know about it. None of them knew. Bella was alive and attending her first day at Forks High at that very moment. I looked down at the phone in my hand and realized that she would just be arriving in the lunchroom and sitting down with Jessica Stanley. In a few minutes time she would ask about my family and Jessica would fill her in all of the sordid details.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Simply put, I didn't have anymore ideas. What more could I possibly do? From the way Rosalie had acted, I knew that if I actually did tell Bella the truth about my family, they'd find a way to kill her. Even the potential threat had been enough to spur them into action.

But no matter how confused I was, I couldn't shake the thought that everything had to do with that girl.

Running my thumb over my phone, I stared at it until a few moments later it began to vibrate.

I didn't say anything as I flipped it open and held it up to my ear.

"I know you were going to call. But I don't think I can come out and meet with you until school is done. Jasper is having a really hard day, and I just feel like I should stay here and be supportive. He's had so many close calls."

"Trust me when I say that Jasper will be fine. I need you to come out here. This can't wait."

"Why can't it wait?"

"Because I don't know how long it will take, and my time is limited."

There was a pause then Alice said, "I'll be there in eighteen minutes."

After closing the phone, I dropped it to the ground next to me and waited for Alice to arrive.

Alice paused for a moment before she stepped into my private domain, then she quietly sat down next to me and waited. Moments later I began my story. When at last I finished, I looked up to her and saw the pained look in her eyes. Her expression echoed her thoughts. _I'm so sorry, Edward._

"It's not your fault, Alice. Just like I can't blame Jasper. Obviously it wasn't the right path because she's still alive and I'm still stuck in Hell."

"What do you need me to do?"

"Look for my future," I told her simply.

As she searched, I watched as well. And just as she'd described to me before, there was nothing of me beyond today.

_That is so strange._

"My theory is that if I choose the right path then the future will realign itself, and I can go forward."

Alice nodded. _Seems reasonable._

And that was how the game began. Each choice I made, Alice saw the immediate benefits and consequences, and then she looked forward to see how much of my future she could see. We went at it for hours, only stopping when her husband called and Alice informed him that she and I were out and she thought that he, Emmett, and Rosalie should go south and hunt.

I thought about different ways to approach Bella, a variety of ways of killing her, versions where I kissed her—and did other things that I'd only thought about. For the briefest of moments, I considered going to Alaska and taking Tanya up on her proposition… Alice and I both shuddered at that vision. I thought about telling Bella about my family and even contemplated telling the entire town of Forks about us.

Whether the day ended in disaster or promise, no matter what Alice saw no future for me after that day. Eventually, she encouraged me to move on to other scenarios and choices that would affect people other than Bella.

No matter what, however, the fact remained that there was no resolution that we could foresee.

I wound up doing the activity with Alice for days after I realized that the decision would have to be made before it was done. After all, I couldn't very well decide to show up at Bella's house before classes started six hours after she'd left for school.

"I don't want to be repetitive, Edward."

I laughed at Alice's statement. To me, it was all repetitive. When she didn't begin laughing as well, I tried to search her thoughts. "But…" I prompted.

"Have you considered…."

"What?" I asked as both her words and her thoughts trailed off.

She sighed. Then I got a clear mental image of what she was considering, and I shut my eyes to it in response—wishing that such an action could close out my mind as well. "It's something to think about."

"Why can't I—"

She didn't even let me finish before she was shaking her head at me. "Because you can't consciously decide that right now, Edward. I know you. Besides, it's getting late and now we're just discussing possibilities because unless you plan on going into her bedroom and stealing her away right now—which would cause a lot of screaming by her, I might add—then this isn't an option for tonight anyway."

I nodded.

"Just think about it," was all she said before standing up and leaving me sitting in my purgatory.

I spent what remained of my night thinking over Alice's suggestion, trying to view every possible aspect, every outcome. In the end, however, I knew I'd at least try it. I'd gone through scenarios with Alice that I knew I was committed to, decisions that I could actually make. This wasn't something that I could firmly decide unless I was in the moment. It's something I would have to build up to. I knew that much about myself, and Alice did too.

I went to school that day. My day went as it had most other times up until lunch. I sat down with my tray of food at the table with my brothers and sisters and waited for Bella to ask Jessica about me and my family. Alice left the cafeteria in that hopes that she would make Jasper more comfortable. Then, as soon as Bella was sufficiently curious by Jessica's ramblings, I met her gaze and smiled, bringing a lovely red blush to her cheeks. From my experience with her, I knew she'd follow wherever I led her, but I wanted more than that. I needed her to be curious enough to not question things too much at first.

When she arrived in Biology, I grinned at her, and we talked much like we had in the previous versions of the day. Her scent wafted toward me, and I relished the light flavor as it rested on my tongue, while my throat burned. I introduced myself and enticed her to speak. Subconsciously we both leaned in toward each other as the hour continued. When class was finally released, I whispered, "Follow me."

"Why?"

"Trust me, please." Then I stood up and left the classroom, not even bothering to wait for an answer.

It wasn't the innocence of doing schoolwork and having ice cream that I was interested in anymore, but no matter what I was asking for, I knew that she would comply. She was as drawn to me as I was to her. Insanely curious and oddly comfortable.

I heard her footsteps as she rushed behind me, trying to catch up.

"Where are we going?"

I didn't answer her until we were outside, standing in front of the main building. "We're skipping the last period, and I'm taking you somewhere."

"Why?"

"Because I need to speak with you privately."

She turned her head and looked around at the mostly desolate parking lot. "Umm. Not here?"

"No." I walked toward her truck and once there, opened the driver's door for her.

"How did you know this was mine?"

"Despite its age, it's as new to this parking lot as you are. Come on."

She climbed in and waited for me to get in. "You owe me an answer. Why again are we leaving?"

I smiled. "You're right, I do." Running my hands through my hair, I sighed. "I'd wait until school was out, but I don't want my family to know until I've had a chance to speak with you. As it is, they may already have an idea, and I want to keep you safe."

"Safe? From your family?"

"In a manner of speaking. I just have to tell you something, and I only know of one place where they won't invade my privacy."

Bella seemed reluctant, but after another moment, she nodded her head and started her truck.

I gave her directions, and eventually she pulled the truck up off of gravel road to a stop.

"Here?" she asked.

"Almost. It's a bit off of the beaten path."

She stepped out of the vehicle onto the ground and wrapped her coat around herself more securely in the winter wind. "I can't imagine they'd follow you out here."

I chuckled darkly. "You'd be surprised and at how quickly they could get here." Stepping next to her, I asked, "Do you trust me?"

Slowly, she looked up and stared intently in my eyes. After another moment she nodded her head.

"Put you arms around my neck."

Bella only hesitated slightly as she moved to comply, and I realized that my earlier thoughts were true, she really would follow me anywhere. I felt a heavy burden fall upon me at that.

"Are you going to hurt me?" she asked quietly into my ear.

"Not unless you ask me to. Now, close your eyes."

I waited only another moment, and then I took off at a run. We were five miles deep into the forest within a few minutes. I gently set her down, and she opened her eyes. I felt a sudden pain of regret that I was showing her this place in the desolate winter instead of in the springtime when the flowers would be blooming.

"This is where I come to think," I told her as I took her hand—smiling when she gasped at the thrum of energy as it passed between us at the contact—and led her to a fallen log where we could sit.

"It feels… peaceful."

"It does," I agreed.

"Why did you bring me all the way out here?"

I launched into my story of how I'd lived the last year of my life on a perpetual repeat cycle. Bella listened. I'd expected her to be horrified, to try to move further away from me as I told her how I'd managed to kill her. Instead, she hung on every word, only asking questions for clarification. The only question she didn't ask was the one I thought was the most important: Why had I done it? But it seemed that she was waiting for the bigger picture to reveal itself before delving into that horror.

"So, you're living your life like Bill Murray did in that movie?"

I laughed without humor. "Groundhog Day. Ironic, isn't it?"

Then she asked the question I'd been expecting. "Why would you want to kill me that badly?"

With a sigh, I went into the other explanation about me and my family. Again, I'd expected her to run, scream, cry… but she did none of that, simply sat next to me and listened as I poured out my story to her. Her acceptance was unnerving.

She began rubbing the back of her neck and exhaled loudly. "So, are you wanting me to ask you to kill me now?"

I gave her a puzzled look and shook my head. "No, Bella. I don't want to kill you. It nearly destroyed me to see what my brother did to you."

"Why was that different? Why did it matter whether you took my life or he did?"

"I never wanted to hurt you. My bloodlust simply became more than I could handle, and once I tasted you the first time, it was even more difficult for me to cage up. It almost makes me wonder if I had managed things the right way the first time… corralled the monster and left town like I'd planned if that would have been enough." I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. To answer your question, I hurt you because I could. Eventually it became clear to me that if I made the wrong decision, then I would be on a repetitive cycle and it wouldn't matter what I did. The guilt ate away at me. Once I realized that I wasn't getting anywhere on that path, I started to get to know you. You don't know me at all, I do understand that, but I've fallen truly, madly, and deeply in love with you. But it wasn't until Jasper killed you that I understood that."

"Wow," was all she could manage to say as she fiddled with her fingers and stared out along the deserted field.

And all I could do was wait for her to process my words. My phone had been buzzing in my pocket for the last forty-five minutes, and I pulled it out to see missed call after missed call from Alice. I contemplated calling her back.

"You know I can see it," Bella said softly.

"See what?"

"I'm sitting here trying to decide if I should believe you… if I even could. It's not logical or rational… or within any realm of possibility that I've ever considered. But then I also cannot deny that as you told me this story about how we've talked, how well you know me, how you've watched me sleep—which is creepy, by the way—and how you've killed me and I see flashes… images… like some part of me wants to remember. Either that or I'm going crazy and I want to believe you so badly that my mind is playing tricks on me. I don't know," she said as she scrubbed her face with her hands. Dropping her hands back to her lap and taking a breath, she went on. "I just know that I have to believe you. I can hear you in my head saying, '_But if we're lucky, this will all be some sort of strange dream and you'll awaken again tomorrow morning as if nothing happened_,' and I can't not believe you."

I thought for a moment, flipping through the memories of the last year and clenched my fists in anger. "You remember that?" She wasn't supposed to remember. The guilt was back full-force.

"That really happened?"

I stood up and walked toward the largest tree that bordered the clearing, hitting it with my forearm, snapping the thick trunk and felling the tree. A gasp caught my attention, and I looked up to meet Bella's wide-eyed gaze. Of course she was scared. How could she not be? Maybe I'd expected the fear when I spun the tale that was more impressive than those of most mental patients, or when I confessed to her that I was a vampire who lusted after her blood, but after she'd accepted all of that, I'd begun to hope that she could trust me. There is no way she could trust someone who she could remember had crushed her neck and ripped out her throat. We didn't have time for this.

I kicked the fallen tree and watched as it splintered.

"How strong are you?"

I stopped my destructive venting and looked up at her. Bella's head was tilted to the side, and she now appeared merely curious. Glancing down at the ground, I spotted a rock the size of my fist and walked over to her. Holding it out in my palm, I showed it to her, then closed my fingers firmly around it and crushed it into dust.

Her mouth opened and closed several times before she managed to speak. "That was… wow."

Flashing her a grin, I wiped the dust off of my hands and watched her a bit longer. She hadn't flinched or shifted away when I'd approached her, so I sat down next to her on the log.

"When we first got out of my truck you said that you would only hurt me if I asked you to," she said.

I nodded and held my breath in anticipation of her next question.

"Did you bring me out here to kill me again?"

Her use of the word 'again' made me cringe, but I quickly composed myself and shook my head. "Not exactly."

"Then why?" Bella's voice was so soft as she asked her question, rightfully fearful of the answer.

I waited until her gaze met mine, her brown eyes staring intently. "Because I believe that the only way out of this for me—for both of us—is for you to become like me."

"A vampire?"

I nodded. Now was when the running and screaming was bound to start.

"Does it hurt?"

This time I had to fight back a chuckle when she again caught me by surprise, because this wasn't something to laugh about. Not at all. "Immensely. Worse than anything you've ever experienced in your life."

Bella pondered my answer before she asked her next question. "Would I be able to go back home with my family?"

"No. You'd want to kill them the moment you were even remotely close. We'd have to move away from all people until you gained some control. Then we could go back to live among people. But you won't be able to see your family again."

She sucked her lower lip in between her teeth and began to bite it lightly.

"Okay."

I stared at her and blinked several times. "What?"

"I said okay. Do whatever it is you have to do, Edward."

I shook my head. "How can you be so nonchalant about this? We're talking about something that will affect you for the rest of your existence. You won't ever age. You won't ever be able to have children. Becoming like me will take away your soul and damn you to eternity here. The only thing you'll be able to eat or drink is blood. You'll have to at least kill animals for sustenance, and you'll probably end up killing a few humans as well. Most all of us make mistakes in that area. Can you live with that? Are you sure that's what you want?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "All I know is that I believe that you're telling me the truth. I believe that you're living the Groundhog Day from Hell and that you firmly believe that it all has to do with me. If you're right about all of that and you think that making me a vampire, like you, is the only way to get out of that, then do it. If you're wrong, Edward, then the day will simply go back to the start again and you'll know that it wasn't the right decision. But if there is only one way out, then we should at least try that. I told you already that I trust you. It may not make sense, especially with some of the images of you I have, but I feel it deep inside of me. I trust you."

I saw the sincerity and the trust in her eyes and I had to close mine to shut her out. Could I truly do what I had said I would? But she was right, if this was the wrong decision, then the day would likely recycle itself yet again. If it was the right one, then we would continue forward. I took a breath and glanced at my phone again. School had long since been out. People would be looking for Bella soon and if Alice saw my future now, I had a feeling that she would even go so far as to invade my private space to stop me from doing something she thought I would regret later. No matter what, I had to make a decision quickly. Time wasn't on our side.

Running my hands through my hair, I took a breath and opened my eyes and looked at her again. "Okay."

"Okay," she responded with a smile. "How does this work? What do I do?"

"I'll bite you several times and inject you with venom. As the venom moves through your bloodstream, it will change your cell make-up."

"I'm ready."

"Are you sure?"

Bella swallowed thickly and nodded her head. "Can you… would you kiss me first please?"

The smile on my face formed before I could even stop it. I'd wanted to kiss her before and it pleased me immensely to know that she wanted the same. If this worked, then perhaps we would have our future together. It gave me hope.

Bringing my hand up to cup her cheek, I leaned in to press a gentle kiss to her lips, no longer surprised at the gentle electric current that I could feel generating between us. Her mouth was warm and soft, and I could feel the rapid pulse in the capillaries under her skin. I wanted nothing more than to be closer to her, to kiss her more deeply, and to take every part of her, but that was something that would have to come later.

I prayed fervently that there would be a later.

Slowly, I pulled back from her mouth and trailed chaste kisses along her cheek and then down the long slender column of her neck. When I reached her pulse point, I allowed my tongue to lightly lick her skin. Then, stilling myself and making sure I had control over the raging monster, I sunk my teeth into her skin.

I bit her five more times. With each bite she gasped out in pain louder than the last. It was knowing that she was in pain that helped keep the monster corralled and thereby helped keep her alive. When I finished, I cradled her in my arms as tears rolled down her cheeks. She was trying to stifle the sobs, and I knew that soon she would be fighting back the screams… and that soon after that she would no longer be able to do so.

"I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry," I murmured into her ear.

My phone, which had been silent for the last hour, buzzed again, and I pulled it out and answered.

"We're taking her truck and driving it off a cliff into the river."

"Okay."

"Why did you do it?"

"I'll explain later."

"We'll be waiting for you back at the house."

"I'm not coming back to the house."

"Yes, you are, I see you coming back here with her tomorrow morning."

I paused for a moment and took a breath as I absorbed my sister's words. "Thanks, Alice."

"You're welcome," she said as she disconnected the call.

I put the phone back in my pocket and then turned my full attention back to the girl in my arms. Brushing her windblown hair off of her face, I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Can you hear me?"

She whimpered and barely moved her head.

"Alice can see both of us tomorrow morning. I think this was the right decision," I said with a smile and kissed her forehead again.

I saw the faintest upturn of her lips before she quietly sobbed again.

"It's all right, Bella. I promise that it will all be all right."

As I'd done many, many times before, I held my cell phone in my hand as the final minutes of my eternal day ticked by. Bella was on the ground writhing and screaming next to me. Either her torture was almost over with and it would become a faded memory, or she hadn't even come close to the worst of it. At that point I didn't know which choice I was hoping for the most. That ache in my chest was back as I witnessed her suffering.

The clock moved to 5:58 am on February 3rd. I swept Bella's hair to the side again and kissed her cheek, her scent had slowly been changing over the last several hours, and she no longer smelled appetizing. She had quieted for a few moments before loud sobs once again shook her body.

5:59 am

Fear gripped me as I considered the thought of having to repeat the day yet again. The last day had been such an upheaval of emotions; it had changed me at my very core. No matter what happened, I would never be the same

I found myself recalling the words of a German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche: "Before the effect one believes in different causes than one does after the effect."

I now believed that finding one's soul mate trumped everything. For even if I believed I lacked a soul and had just deprived Bella of hers, I could not deny that if we made past that minute then she was destined for me. Every belief I'd ever held was secondary to the needs of the woman lying next to me. For after all I'd gone through, I believed that she was my everything.

Taking Bella's hand in my own, I held it firmly as I watched the final seconds tick down.

6:00 am

I sighed heavily, releasing my tension in my exhaled breath. Bringing Bella's hand up to my mouth, I kissed it gently as I smiled.

Standing up, I leaned over and picked her up into my arms. She quieted for a moment and opened her eyes a sliver. "It's okay, love, we're going home now."

She couldn't say anything, but she managed to curl closer into my chest in response.

And I took her home.

_~Fin~_

_

* * *

_

**End Notes: **Thank you so much for reading. No, there are no plans for a continuation of this story. I like that it ends on just a hopeful note… it leaves their futures completely open. Yes, Shug & I are working on Contractually Bound. We really are trying to get it finished… we are just both so worried about things feeling right with the characters and it's hard to look past that sometimes. Not to mention the fact that I've been looking for work and I really have tunnel vision sometimes. It's difficult for me to think about much of anything else. Thanks again!


End file.
